


Micheal is sad :(

by Donrex



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Did I Mention Angst?, Different high school au, Kinda, Letter form, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, Oh yeah also they’re both trans no relation to the story just so u know, Soulmates, Trans Jeremy Heere, Trans Michael Mell, its pure angst and sadness, jeremy’s school is hardcore, micheal angst, theyre childhood friends but not going to the same high school
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 16:47:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14698293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donrex/pseuds/Donrex
Summary: It’s senior year, aka the most stressful year of high school. Jeremy and Michael barely get to meet- or talk, really- and as anxious overthinking brains do, Michael’s brain supplies him with more then enough worries for one person to hold in, and the only one in the world who could dismiss them is very stubbornly doing the exact opposite.





	Micheal is sad :(

“Hey, Jeremy. Been a while. 

Look, I’m writing this because when you had that crush on Christine... last year? Was it last year? Wow. Well i forced you to write how you feel. Told you it’ll make your feelings less... you know... all over the place. Why am i even writing this down? You were there. You know what? I’ll just get to the point. 

I just wanna play games with you in my basement again. I bought the new kingdom hearts. I know its a single player game... but i know its ur favorite. I promise I’ll let u try it out first.

Im just... id text u all of that, but every time i text you I’m too scared you won’t answer. Because I’m annoying. Because you’ve got better things to do then talk to me. Because you actually hate me and I’m not worthy of your time anymore. I’m tired of starting conversation and looking clingy. 

I know you have anxiety. But we’re friends since kindergarten. And i have anxiety too! If i can get over it because you matter to me... why can’t you? 

If you say you’re sad, id come running to your house. I swear i will. I know i will. But you never seem to look forward to meeting me. No. Thats not true. You never seem to have time for me. Thats more accurate. 

You’re so busy now. With your school. With your classmates. I feel out of the loop. And you don’t make any effort to bring me closer. We barely see each other anymore. 

I just wanna hang with you again. I just want to sit on your bed and watch Netflix with you and lay my head on your shoulder, or lay down on your thighs and listen to you talk while you play with my hair. It sounds gay when i say it like that. It doesn’t feel weird when I’m with you though. It just feels right. Like its where I’m supposed to be.  
But i cant tell you any of this. Not like that. Maybe if we talked face to face i could find the courage. I’d know how you’re reacting. I could see how that makes you feel. But you don’t seen to want me around anymore. Maybe you never did? 

You said I’m your favorite person. You said you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if something happened to me. That I’m the one who helped you pick yourself up when nothing else could. But then i call you, on the verge of a panic attack, and you just never pick up. And when you do you wave me off because of your math homework. I know I shouldn’t be so selfish. I know high grades are important to you, and that your school is hard on you with all those assignments and tests but- but couldn’t you come over and give me a hug? Did you really have no free second to let me up some day after school when i pass next to your house? 

You’re always learning. Or you’re sleeping. And I’m so so stupid for being upset about that but... i miss you. 

I want to watch old cartoons with you and sit on my roof drinking slurpies and looking at the sky.  
I want that night back. The night where we sat on my roof and figured our feelings out. When i said ‘well, if we don’t know what it is, but we both feel the same, we can give it whatever name we’d like.’ And you said ‘how about soulmates?’  
The night where we had a photo war, trying to take a picture of each other without the other noticing. Taking that one photo... you know the one. The one where i hid behind a white sheet and looked like a ghost with glasses, while you were laughing so hard you looked drunk. It’s my favorite photo in the whole world. 

I decided to drop the tiptoeing around to see if you’d offer, and asked if you’ve got time for me. You said you could try and find some between all your studies. I know its the helpless romantic in me, but i hoped you’d say something along the line of ‘I always have time for you, Michael.’ 

I feel so stupid. And none of this is your actual fault. Its all my brain. Thinking around and over itself. And if we could just- talk. If i could just hear your voice, instead of those stupid delayed text we keep sending each other. 

Im so clingy and dumb. Im sorry I wrote all this down already. I mean, i do feel better seeing it all written down in a coherent way, but I’m definitely going to tear it up and flash it. 

Learned that trick from the best.”


End file.
